Disappointing others risks disappointing yourself

If you are afraid of disappointing others, you may act in line with what you think others want from you - and not what you truly want. Your motivation may be directed externally to avoid punishment or exile, and that motivation can be much louder than checking in with your own needs and desires. I usually know this is happening to me when I get a “elevator drop” feeling in my stomach and I feel myself recoil. I can sometimes even feel myself get physically smaller.

See if you can tap in to the feelings you feel when you think you are disappointing someone? What are the physical sensations? Where do you feel it? Do you want to shrink or run? What other emotions or thoughts come up for you?

Can you hold compassion for the parts of you who are feeling small or afraid? What would you say to those parts?

If you tend to be motivated by the fear fo disappointing others, it makes sense. You were most likely conditioned to please others and be punished in some way if you didn’t. It takes time and practice to unlearn. Take your time and know there is no shame in what you are feeling. You’ll get there. And as you unlearn and practice, you’ll slowly notice that inner voice deep inside who’s been there all along.

If you would like help with working on strengthening your inner voice, please reach out for a coaching session.