Moving, Perfectionism and Rest
My family moved this past weekend. We haven’t moved “whole house” for 19 years. Packing, purging, and donating was a full-time job and in many ways it was very cleansing. Moving to the new house and beginning to unpack has been more challenging.
I am a self-proclaimed recovering perfectionist and am in the process of unlearning decades of overachieving, trying to make everything just right, and the accompanying shame spiral of not being good enough when I don’t live up to my impossibly high standards. Moving is definitely an activity that triggers all of the above. I’m working on doing things differently.
Being aware that I tend to push beyond what is healthy for me is a great first step. I will admit I’m not great at it and tend to realize I’ve pushed too far after I’ve done it. Simply having that awareness is enough for now. What has helped most is learning to be more aware of the messages my body is sending me. I notice that when I get to that point of exhaustion and overwhelm, I freeze. My body protects me and stops me. I’ve found myself over the past few weeks sometimes just standing and staring into space, or not being able to talk. I shut down. In the past I used to berate myself and tell myself to push through these freeze moments. That I could do better and be better. That there was something wrong with me for not being able to push through. This time I am approaching my freeze moments with curiosity: What is my body trying to tell me? What do I need to take care of myself right now?
And when I really listen, most often my body is telling me to slow down and rest. That it’s ok and healthy to do both. Both resting and slowing down are not activities I have practiced a lot most of my life - both mentally and physically. This time I am listening and taking small steps to take care of myself. I sit outside for 10 minutes when I feel overwhelmed by boxes. I take breaks in the evening after an exhaustingly physical or emotional day. I try to nourish myself with healthy food. I tell myself that nothing “has to” be done right now. It will get done. These small steps have been very helpful. I am not perfect at it - and I never will be. It’s really hard to do! And that’s all ok. Giving myself grace to know I am moving on a continuum and I am taking care of myself is enough. I am enough and my body will help let me know what it needs to stay healthy.
I notice when I give myself time to rest, listen to my body and be curious, my stress levels come down. I am more creative. I laugh more and there is less overwhelm and less perfectionism.
Taking time for rest is a practice, like yoga or any other type of self-care. It takes time to learn or re-learn. There is no shame if rest is difficult for you - it’s difficult for many of us who have spent years on the hamster wheel of our go and get done culture. We’ve been trained that being busy means that we are worth something. But who is it that we are trying to be worthy for? When we look inward to what we need to be healthy versus looking outward toward what we think others need from us, we make a conscious shift to taking care of the person we will be spending the rest of our lives with more than anyone else - ourselves.
What do you do for rest? What fills you up after an overwhelming time? What small steps do you take to help nourish your body and your mind? What messages does your body send you when you are overwhelmed?
If you want to explore these questions on a deeper level, I’d love to help. Email me at whitney@openspacescoaching.com or go to my book a session page on my website www.openspacescoaching to set up a coaching session.
