Saying you’re low maintenance can mean you don’t speak up for your needs.

I used to like to tell people I was “low maintenance,” thinking it was a positive thing that would get people to like me. I believed I was telling people I was easy going, didn’t make fusses about things, and was low drama.

What I was actually communicating was that I didn’t speak up for my needs, I prioritized other’s needs over my own and didn’t mind giving up my true self in order to make others happy.

The people who were drawn to “low maintenance” me tended to get upset when I asked for my needs to met. Labeling myself as low maintenance meant that they could make their needs top priority. And the times when I asked for my needs to be met, to them I was “high maintenance” - which was totally gaslighty.

Oof.

You are not high maintenance for asking that your needs be met, just as you are not low maintenance when you don’t. It all comes down to feeling comfortable asking for your needs, not labeling yourself based on your ability to ask those needs.

If you consider or have called yourself low maintenance, have curiosity as to what that really means to you. Are you giving up parts of yourself by being low maintenance? How do you feel when you want to ask for you needs to be met?

There is no shame in how you process any of this. People pleasing and bypassing your needs is based on conditioning and inner child wounds. It is not your fault. And it’s ok to take steps to recognize that you are worthy and your needs matter, too. That’s called self-maintenance.