Trading your worth for someone else’s want

As we are full in the gathering season, with lots of commitments and “to do’s,” it can be easy to say yes to things you don’t want to do. This can come from - among other things - feelings and thoughts of obligation, long-held traditions, “shoulds”, and even shame. And when we say yes to things we really don’t want to do, we are trading our worth for us for someone else’s want.

This is where clear, communicated boundaries come in.

Ask yourself what’s the story around why you feel you “have to” say yes. Ask yourself if that is an absolutely true belief or is there space for something else. If there is, see if the part of you who feels they have to say yes can step back for a second. And if that happens, how does that stepping back and new space feel?

Give yourself space for the thought that you can say no. If that though feels scary, that’s ok - and tell yourself that’s ok. You are used to saying yes and it can feel uncomfortable. There’s nothing wrong or shameful for feeling that way.

Ask yourself what you truly want. If you are not able to do what someone wants you to, that’s ok. You have ownership of you. And you get to decide what you want to do. This can be tricky if you’ve been conditioned otherwise, so if that seems difficult, simply play around with that thought.

Imagine what it would feel like after you say no and you don’t have to do whatever it is you felt you had to, no strings attached Does it feel expansive and freeing? If yes, that tells you a lot.

Most importantly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. You are doing the best you can with a lot going on. Setting boundaries and learning to make choices for yourself and your needs is a practice and takes time. And you are worth it.

Reach out if you are interested in booking coaching sessions - I am starting to book out in January.