Letting go doesn’t mean you invalidate what you’ve been through
I used to believe that letting go meant erasing memories and feelings and forgetting the past, kind of like what happens in the Men in Back movies. You wave a wand and all you’ve experienced disappears from your memory and it’s gone.
Our brains don’t work that way, and our good and not-so-good experiences matter and are a part of who we are. What we experienced is all valid. As much as we may want to, we can’t magically have experiences or people disappear from our minds because they will come back in other ways - in our bodies, in how we interact with others and ourselves. However, we can find a safe way to honor what happened to us with compassion so that it has a place to rest.
We can give ourselves permission to release the heaviness of what we are carrying. Oftentimes there is an underlying fear or belief that if we stop thinking about something or someone it will invalidate what happened. It will invalidate our truth. And we end up carrying pain or memories in the front of our minds that don’t serve us because we want to feel like what happened mattered. We want to feel seen when we potentially didn’t feel seen when we were experiencing the event. And those parts of us don’t want to let go until they feel seen and heard and validated.
That’s what releasing the weight is about. See if you can talk to the part of you who doesn’t want to release the weight of the experience. What do they want more than anything? Can you help them find a safe place to feel, seen, heard and validated so they can put down the weight? If they don’t put it down, what are they protecting you from?
These are all really deep questions that take time and release some big feelings, especially if you have been carrying something for a long time or it’s a very hurtful experience. We can still have the memory without having to carry the weight that comes with it. Give yourself the permission of time to process and grieve. And remind yourself and your parts that everything you are experiencing is valid and makes sense.
