Working through the long, tedious steps of growth

This past weekend I felt inspired to bake peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I have a recipe I love - the cookies are a little dry, but they are great for dunking in my coffee or tea.

However, I can start feeling really impatient when I make them because, like a lot of things you bake, it can be a process. And I have to chill the dough for 40 minutes. This can be frustrating, especially when my inner child parts and tummy just want cookies!! 😉 And chilling the dough is an important step because it helps the fat integrate into the cookies so they become what they are meant to be….delicious!

Hmmm…..I feel an analogy/metaphor coming on.

Sometimes working through stuff or working toward something can seem frustratingly long. Or it can feel like there are a lot of steps. And most of us want to just get to the end result (mmm…cookies!), without having to go through all the tedious, crunchy, small steps to get there.

AND….those tedious, crunchy, small steps are necessary to create something beautifully delicious. Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and chill our metaphorical dough to integrate all the good stuff and then let it bake so we can enjoy what we’ve done.

What cookies are you currently baking in your life? What parts need to set and chill? What parts need to be combined and integrated? What parts need a nice bake? What do you want your life cookies to taste like and what ingredients and steps will take to make them tasty?

Do you need compassionate support with your metaphorical cookie baking ? Schedule a coaching session with me. Let’s work together to make the steps fun for a delicious outcome!

Book a dream analysis session

Do you have a recurring dream that you can’t make sense of? Or have a one-time dream that you can’t get out of your mind and want to know what it means?

Book a dream analysis coaching session with me and find out what your dreams are trying to tell you. ✨

During the session we work together using coaching tools to uncover what your dream’s messages are. You will leave the session feeling inspired, have fun and walk away with a few aha moments! ✨

Go here for more info.

Paying attention to glimmers creates magic

Lately I’ve been feeling more open to and aware of glimmers. Those tiny signs of safety, beauty, fun and peace. This awareness has led to some pretty magical moments of serendipitous encounters, fun ideas, creativity and expansiveness. For someone who has been in freeze off and on for years, this thawing is both exhilarating and a little yowza.

When I was feeling more stuck and processing crunchy trauma, it was really hard to see those glimmers. Our brains are naturally wired to watch for danger and what can go wrong - this is actually a great thing and it protects us. When we’re stuck, though, sometimes it’s because our brain doesn’t know that it can get off the ride and only sees the crunch in front of us - not the glimmers surrounding us.

When we’re feeling stuck, taking a moment each day to look around us and see what’s working can allow those glimmers to peek out, even if it’s just for a little while. It’s like building a muscle for glimmers. Small, tiny, glimmery steps. Over time, and as we feel more comfortable and safe, we start to naturally see glimmers more often. And the magic starts to happen.

Also understand that paying attention to glimmers is different than bypassing crunchy emotions and situations. Working through the crunch is still really important. AND you can still make room for glimmers and magic as you work through the crunch.

Have you ever had a situation where all of a sudden the world opens up showing all its serendipity and opportunity? What was happening around you? What is happening around you now that can make room for glimmers and magic?

Would you like compassionate support as you work through the crunch and build muscle for glimmers? Schedule a coaching session and let’s walk together toward your own personal magic.

Small shifts and safety

My dog Maisie is a rescue and it takes her a while to warm up to things. Lots of things scare her, including my rebounder trampoline. For years she would go on another room when I’d pull it out to work out or watch me from afar. The last month or so, though, something shifted. She started to be more curious about it, so today I sat down on it and invited her up. She hesitated, but then got on it and she and I lightly bounced on it. She tried something new and was ok with it!

It reminded me that in order to shift or move forward we sometimes need to have an environment that allows us to feel curious, safe and trusting. And sometimes that can all be there and it can take a while still - and that’s ok.

Small, curious, safe and trusting steps. Thanks for the reminder, Maisie! 💛🐶✨

Are you looking for a compassionate guide to help you take small steps forward toward what you want in life? Let’s work together!

Don’t let anyone convince you you’re broken - including yourself

This can be of the hardest things to unlearn, especially when it’s been a long-standing belief.

For a long time I thought I was broken or that there was something wrong with me. So my intent when I went to therapy or coaching or when I read self-help books was to “fix” me. Fix the parts that people and I didn’t like because I had tried myself and it wasn’t working. I was still “broken.”

When you believe you’re broken, it comes from a place of shame. And shame usually comes from external places. It doesn’t come from you. But when we then internalize shame, it feels like it comes from us. That it IS us. And that’s 💯 not true.

Here’s the good news - you’re absolutely NOT broken. You don’t need to be fixed.

You do get to explore and find out who you really are and what works for YOU. You get to understand yourself and learn to love yourself. You get to learn to treat yourself with compassion.

When you take small steps away from shame and toward self-compassion, the magic starts to happen and the belief you’re broken starts to fade away because you realize you believe in YOU. And that you are amazing, resilient and strong.✨

And you are 💯 not broken.

Growth and crunchy discomfort

We all want growth and moving forward to be easy. It sounds easy. You can see where you want to be, so it’s gotta be easy right?

That belief can be one of many that keeps us (myself included) stuck. We see where we are, we see where we want to be and want it to be a straight line. And usually growth and moving forward doesn’t work that way.

I’m not a gamer, so my metaphor might be a little off, but when you play a video game (or even a board game), you know the end goal and where you want to end up, but it involves challenges, building things and dismantling things along the way. Sometimes you have to start a level over. Sometimes it doesn’t go the way you expect, but you eventually get through the challenges and level up. And either celebrate getting through the game or get ready for the next challenge.

That’s pretty much what growth and moving forward is, but with more emotions and feelings. The challenges and crunch are real. And - as you work through them, you feel the leveling up, too. 💪🏼✨

Keep working through the crunch and know it’s not linear and you’ll get there. Take small steps. It’s ok to feel through it. And when you get there, celebrate the level up - you are amazing!!🎉💪🏼

Safety, vulnerability, choice and connection

The other day I met a new friend for coffee for the first time. I was initially cautious and it turned out to be a great experience. We connected on many different levels and shared experiences. It was a really fun time and I am grateful for the connection.

I used to be an over-sharer and then didn’t understand why friendships sometimes seemed one-sided. Or why sometimes I felt icky for sharing things about myself. What I realized over time was that there was a younger part of me who wanted to be seen, heard and be “cool.” And this part believed the best way to do that was to tell everything about myself.

What I didn’t understand at the time (no shame!) is that vulnerability, safety and choice all work together to create deep and meaningful connection. And at that time I was giving up safety and choice for in order to people-please and connect, which was why friendships seemed lopsided and sometimes hurt.

Creating safety involves believing you have choice. I started building a muscle around the notion that I could choose what I wanted to share with someone. Holding back was sometimes hard, and also incredibly freeing because over time, it actually allowed for me to be more vulnerable as friendships developed. And that container of safety and choice needed to be built first. And as I built that muscle, I became more confident in what I could keep for myself and share with others. It became an empowerment exercise, too! And as with everything, it’s a process and takes time to develop.

Are you looking for compassionate guidance as you navigate vulnerability, connection and relationships? Schedule a coaching session with me and let’s take small steps forward together.

Where does perfectionism take a break in your life?

I love to bake. And given my perfectionist tendencies you’d think it would transfer over to my breads, cakes, and cookies. However, that’s not the case.  I like to call myself a “rustic” baker.😂
 
When I bake, the only outcome I care about is if it tastes good. Appearance doesn’t matter at all.  It can be mushed up, lopsided – it doesn’t matter. And if I’m trying something new and it doesn’t work out or taste ok – well, I can pitch it, start again, or choose to try something else.
 
Wouldn’t it be great to transfer that non-perfectionist mojo and thoughts over to the other more perfectionist leaning areas of my life?!🤔
 
I’ve started to allow myself to be curious about what makes baking more freeing or safe so that being perfect isn’t necessary. Part of what I’ve discovered is that baking is like play for me.  There are no rules, it’s just tactile, tasty fun. I also have a lot of choice an agency when I bake, which allows for the fun. Being curious has allowed me to see that there may be space and areas in other parts of my life where I can take small steps to introduce more choice, play and fun. And, as always, it’s a process.
 
Are there places in your life where your perfectionism takes a break? What are they? Can you be curious about what is different about those situations versus others? Are there small steps can you take to incorporate what you’ve learned?
 
Perfectionism can be a very hard-wired mindset. You learned it to keep you safe. So, be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you unlearn it. There are no rules or timeline or way to do it right. Keep fostering curiosity and take small steps at your own pace. Keep being curious about where you have space for play. That may hold the answers to help you move forward.
 
If you are looking for a compassionate guide as move forward, I’d love to support you. Schedule a life coaching session with me.

Paying attention to glimmers can produce pure magic

Lately I’ve been feeling more open to and aware of glimmers. Those tiny signs of safety, beauty, fun and peace. This awareness has led to some pretty magical moments of serendipitous encounters, fun ideas, creativity and expansiveness. For someone who has been in freeze off and on for years, this thawing is both exhilarating and a little yowza.

When I was feeling more stuck and processing crunchy trauma, it was really hard to see those glimmers. Our brains are naturally wired to watch for danger and what can go wrong - this is actually a great thing and it protects us. When we’re stuck, though, sometimes it’s because our brain doesn’t know that it can get off the ride and only sees the crunch in front of us - not the glimmers surrounding us.

When we’re feeling stuck, taking a moment each day to look around us and see what’s working can allow those glimmers to peek out, even if it’s just for a little while. It’s like building a muscle for glimmers. Small, tiny, glimmery steps. Over time, and as we feel more comfortable and safe, we start to naturally see glimmers more often. And the magic starts to happen.

Also understand that paying attention to glimmers is different than bypassing crunchy emotions and situations. Working through the crunch is still really important. AND you can still make room for glimmers and magic as you work through the crunch.

Have you ever had a situation where all of a sudden the world opens up showing all its serendipity and opportunity? What was happening around you? What is happening around you now that can make room for glimmers and magic?

Would you like compassionate support as you work through the crunch and build muscle for glimmers? Schedule a coaching session and let’s walk together toward your own personal magic.

Shifting, moving or bouncing forward

My dog Maisie is a rescue and it takes her a while to warm up to things. Lots of things scare her, including my rebounder trampoline. For years she would go on another room when I’d pull it out to work out or watch me from afar. The last month or so, though, something shifted. She started to be more curious about it, so today I sat down on it and invited her up. She hesitated, but then got on it and she and I lightly bounced on it. She tried something new and was ok with it!

It reminded me that in order to shift or move forward we sometimes need to have an environment that allows us to feel curious, safe and trusting. And sometimes that can all be there and it can take a while still - and that’s ok.

Small, curious, safe and trusting steps. Thanks for the reminder, Maisie! 💛🐶✨

Are you looking for a compassionate guide to help you take small steps forward toward what you want in life? Let’s work together! Info about scheduling coaching sessions is in my bio. 💪🏼✨💛

Don’t let anyone convince you you’re broken - including yourself

This can be of the hardest things to unlearn, especially when it’s been a long-standing belief.

For a long time I thought I was broken or that there was something wrong with me. So my intent when I went to therapy or coaching or when I read self-help books was to “fix” me. Fix the parts that people and I didn’t like because I had tried myself and it wasn’t working. I was still “broken.”

When you believe you’re broken, it comes from a place of shame. And shame usually comes from external places. It doesn’t come from you. But when we then internalize shame, it feels like it comes from us. That it IS us. And that’s 💯 not true.

Here’s the good news - you’re absolutely NOT broken. You don’t need to be fixed.

You do get to explore and find out who you really are and what works for YOU. You get to understand yourself and learn to love yourself. You get to learn to treat yourself with compassion.

When you take small steps away from shame and toward self-compassion, the magic starts to happen and the belief you’re broken starts to fade away because you realize you believe in YOU. And that you are amazing, resilient and strong.✨

And you are 💯 not broken.

Are you looking for a guide that won’t try to fix you, but will compassionately help you learn about yourself and help you take loving small steps forward? Let’s work together!

To level up takes working through some of the uncomfortable crunch of life

We all want growth and moving forward to be easy. It sounds easy. You can see where you want to be, so it’s gotta be easy right?

That belief can be one of many that keeps us (myself included) stuck. We see where we are, we see where we want to be and want it to be a straight line. And usually growth and moving forward doesn’t work that way.

I’m not a gamer, so my metaphor might be a little off, but when you play a video game (or even a board game), you know the end goal and where you want to end up, but it involves challenges, building things and dismantling things along the way. Sometimes you have to start a level over. Sometimes it doesn’t go the way you expect, but you eventually get through the challenges and level up. And either celebrate getting through the game or get ready for the next challenge.

That’s pretty much what growth and moving forward is, but with more emotions and feelings. The challenges and crunch are real. And - as you work through them, you feel the leveling up, too. 💪🏼✨

Keep working through the crunch and know it’s not linear and you’ll get there. Take small steps. It’s ok to feel through it. And when you get there, celebrate the level up - you are amazing!!🎉💪🏼

Schedule coaching sessions with me and have a compassionate guide as you work through the crunch and celebrate you as you level up.

Safety, vulnerability and choice are all important components for connection

The other day I met a new friend for coffee for the first time. I was initially cautious and it turned out to be a great experience. We connected on many different levels and shared experiences. It was a really fun time and I am grateful for the connection.

I used to be an over-sharer and then didn’t understand why friendships sometimes seemed one-sided. Or why sometimes I felt icky for sharing things about myself. What I realized over time was that there was a younger part of me who wanted to be seen, heard and be “cool.” And this part believed the best way to do that was to tell everything about myself.

What I didn’t understand at the time (no shame!) is that vulnerability, safety and choice all work together to create deep and meaningful connection. And at that time I was giving up safety and choice for in order to people-please and connect, which was why friendships seemed lopsided and sometimes hurt.

Creating safety involves believing you have choice. I started building a muscle around the notion that I could choose what I wanted to share with someone. Holding back was sometimes hard, and also incredibly freeing because over time, it actually allowed for me to be more vulnerable as friendships developed. And that container of safety and choice needed to be built first. And as I built that muscle, I became more confident in what I could keep for myself and share with others. It became an empowerment exercise, too! And as with everything, it’s a process and takes time to develop.

Are you looking for compassionate guidance as you navigate vulnerability, connection and relationships? Schedule a coaching session with me and let’s take small steps forward together.

It’s ok to nurture yourself more than you nurture others

The other day I was talking with a client about setting up a motivating morning routine and what came out of it was an amazing discussion of how we do and don’t nurture ourselves.
 
A lot of times when we think about nurturing, we think about nurturing others – our kids or other people we love. And we oftentimes don’t turn that nurturing back towards ourselves. We tell ourselves stories about how we don’t have time or that now that we’re adults we don’t need it. But if we can nurture others, we absolutely can nurture ourselves. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we don’t need nurturing, too.
 
Nurturing is a subset of self-care. It involves taking care of and nourishing our fundamental needs.
 
Here are some ways I try nurture myself:
-       Plan out and prepare weekly menus, so I know I’ll have nourishing food easily available.
-       Practice self-compassion.  I talk to myself like I would talk to a friend.
-       Go to therapy, get coached, or attend a sharing circle (@NUSHU) regularly to process what’s going on in my life and feel seen, heard, and held.
-       Get decent sleep on a regular basis – eek – this one is a toughy!
 
I admit I’m not perfect at this – nor will I ever be. Nurturing is a practice.  The most important thing is being aware of and celebrating when you do nurture yourself as well as be aware on when you’re not and slowly try to find ways to show yourself in those moments that nurturing is possible. As with most things it’s an ongoing process.
 
You deserve to be nurtured and to nurture yourself. What can you do to build our self-nurturing muscle? What do you do for others that you can also do for yourself? 💛
 
Nurture yourself with a coaching session. I have sessions available and offer compassionate guidance to help you feel nurtured and empowered.

Sitting in the crunchy allows for change and growth

Ugh! The crunchiness of change and growth is such an uncomfortable feeling.

I’m experiencing it now as an empty nester. There is a lot of crunchiness as I’m learning to navigate new ways of doing things, changing life patterns that don’t work or exist any more, and honestly settling into the new normal. It’s weird and a little unsettling.

And on the flip side I’m seeing the benefits of working through the crunch and discomfort. There’s a lot of freedom and space on the other side. The relationships with my kids are evolving in a wonderful way. There’s good stuff coming out of the crunch.

I remind myself that with any change there can be both resistance and grief of what I’m leaving behind, even if it no longer serves me. That’s the crunch. And I try and give myself the time, space and compassion to process.

Where are you experiencing crunchiness and discomfort? What are you resisting or leaving behind?

If you’re looking for guidance to navigate the crunch, book a coaching session with me!

A slight adjustment can help you see more clearly

The other day I went to my eye doctor for my yearly checkup. My contact lenses had been bothering me for a while and I felt like I was using my reading glasses as my normal glasses and just generally not seeing very well. I thought this was how it was going be from now on.

The doc did the fun game with the lens machine-y thingy (IYKYK), testing if I could see more clearly with 1 or 2, 2 or 3, etc. At the end of it, the conclusion was: my eyes had actually improved and the lenses I currently had were too strong! I needed to step back with my prescription to be able to see better. The adjustment was made and it’s wild how much better I can see close up and far away - and no more readers!

What a metaphor, right?! Sometimes we get stuck in the fuzzy and crunch of what is going on right in front of us and accept it as how it’s supposed to be. And - sometimes if we take a step back, look at the bigger picture, and adjust our view slightly, things can become clearer, brighter, and even easier.

Sometimes looking at things from different lenses provides us with the clarity we need. BOOM! 🎉😂

What is something that seems fuzzy or unclear to you at the moment? Can you look at it from another angle? Do you have other choices? If you took a step back and looked at the longer view does it change how you approach it?

Every situation is different, and every situation can have different angles, views and choices. Knowing that can give you space for more clarity to move forward.

Looking for clarity? Book a life coaching session with me!

Valentine’s Day is about loving yourself

I freaking love Valentine’s Day. Not because of the chocolate or flowers or candlelit dinners, but because it is about love. It’s a great day to simply ponder what love means to you.

I used to think that I had to chase love. That I had to earn it. And there were honestly very loud parts of me who didn’t believe I deserved love. Or that I could only be loved if I wasn’t myself. Bah! These were voices that came from others - or they were from younger parts of myself who wanted to protect me.

Ever since I started giving space to and loving on those protective parts I’ve been able to love and accept myself more. I’ve been able to connect more authentically with myself and others. I’ve been able to stop chasing, put down boundaries and express what’s important to me. It’s not perfect by any means - nor will it ever be. And it’s lovingly enough.🥰

Love is accepting all of your parts. It’s connecting with yourself and others. It’s allowing yourself self-compassion when it’s hard. It’s empowering yourself to be the best you can be right now. It’s evolving and moving toward what matters to you. It’s safety and trust.❤️

What’s love got to do with it? Everything ❤️

What is love for you? What does love mean to you? How do you best show yourself love?

I invite you to check out my Love Yourself life coaching offer. I’m offering a limited number of coaching sessions (30) for $75 each and people are starting to scoop them up.

Gift yourself some supportive, compassionate, nonjudgmental support. You’re worth it. ❤️

Who lifts you up?

The other day I took a field trip to the local art museum and was drawn to a work by artist Kathy Liao. It depicted trees and tree roots holding up a smaller tree. To me it brought up feelings and thoughts of the importance of nature, community, support, growth, healing and thriving.

It reminded me we all need support and people to lift us up to thrive. Whether it’s friends, family, a coach, therapist, or some kind of group, having people available to hold you up makes a difference.

Who are your go-to people for support? Who lifts you up? Who helps you thrive?

If you’re looking for compassionate, empowering, non-judgmental support as you move forward and grow, consider booking a coaching session with me or join a sharing circle group. Go to the link in my bio for more information.

You are worthy for just being you

It’s so easy to get caught up in the chase of proving your worth - getting A’s at school, showing how helpful you can be, showing how well you fit in. The thing is, that if it’s not really what you want - but you think it’s what others want from you - you end up stepping out of who you are in order to please others. And then wonder why you feel confused, generally crunchy and not great about yourself. It’s because by trying to prove your worth to others, you’re forgetting about yourself.

There is no shame in this - we are conditioned to believe that achieving what others want or want from us is the key to success. It can feel unsafe to do anything different. And it doesn’t have to be that way.

You can take small steps to follow your heart and your integrity to show yourself that you’ll be safe. You can hold self-compassion for the parts who feel like if they step out of the box bad things will happen. You can slowly work on dismantling the story that your worth is tied to what others think of you. Small, meaning steps toward YOU.✨

It’s not easy, it takes time, and it’s a practice - I’ve been working on it myself for years. And that’s also ok. Keep going - there’s no perfectionism here. It’s simply the slow, steady walk back to yourself.

Need a guide as you walk toward yourself ? Reach out for coaching sessions.

Setting boundaries

Just a quick reminder that setting boundaries can be hard, especially if you know it’s going to disappoint them. Remember that it’s not your job to manage their feelings, it’s ok to process feelings of guilt or grief you may feel. And at the same time you can celebrate choosing you. I see you.💛💪🏼✨