Listening to your inner self

Feeling very meh toward my imperfect self this morning. Blah.

I’m noticing my internal voices struggling with being not enough AND too much - yikes!

When I’m in this mode I try to slow down and listen to my body and my internal voices / self talk. What do they have to tell me? What do they need from me for support? Sometimes it’s just a day of reset. Or a walk outside. Or some compassion and love for the wounded parts of me who are trying so hard to be seen and accepted and loved.

Usually this happens after a whirlwind of getting a lot done. I notice that the exhausted parts of me and the keep going parts of me are not getting along. And what I hear is they ALL need support, love, understanding and to be seen and heard. So, I’m learning to accept all parts of me as opposed to criticizing them.

Given I’ve leaned towards perfectionism and people pleasing most of my life, I know this isn’t a one and done. It’s a life long process. And honestly knowing that feels comforting.

If this resonates, hang in there - self-acceptance, self-love, and self-compassion takes time to develop. And it’s never perfect. And that’s ok 💛

You get to reclaim the things you lost in survival mode

A while back I looked up at my bookshelf and was like, “oh my gosh - I totally forgot I had these books! I love them!” Another time I listened to an old playlist and remembered how much I loved certain songs and genres and I danced and sang and laughed as I listened. Both times felt like a return home.

I call this “the great unthawing” phase of my life. And as a survivor you most likely have had or will have it, too.

It’s the great remembering and accepting of your likes and dislikes. Of you standing in and embracing your creativity, your passions, your own dang self. It’s remembering who you were before and integrating it into who you are now without apology. It’s showing your younger parts you’re safe and it’s ok to play.

This unthawing doesn’t happen overnight and can come it waves, bright glimmers and slow flows. And it’s all there waiting for you.

Keep going. Keep embracing you. You’re a badass and get to choose you now.

Looking for support as you unthaw and interested working with a life coach? Let’s work together! Schedule a session.

You matter

Asking for what you want and need is not selfish. It’s taking care of yourself and vocalizing what matters to you. It’s stepping into your autonomy and power. It’s taking care of your inner children and your current self. It’s healthy.

When someone continuously minimizes your needs, competes with your needs, or turns it around so that it minimizes your needs and maximizes theirs, it tends to be about power, control, and conditioning. It’s not healthy. And after receiving this behavior over time, it makes sense that you would feel less than and selfish for wanting or needing what’s important to you.

And it’s not true. It takes time to remember and believe in your core it’s not true. It takes small steps to grieve and rebuild the beliefs that you matter and are worthy - to relearn self-compassion. To remember that you matter. And you’re allowed to take those steps for yourself. That is what’s true. 💛

I’ve been there and it sucks. And I know there is hope and possibility on the other side. You 💯 matter and are not selfish for wanting that.💛

You can’t change people who are high on the narcissistic spectrum

As much as you want them to or want to believe they can, the chances that they will look inward to see and understand themselves and their impact are slim.

And if you lean toward people pleasing,
it can be hard because people with high narcissistic tendencies will constantly raise the bar for you to jump over. And however many times you try to “fix” yourself or them, it’s not going to happen.

It’s ok to realize and grieve that the person you care about isn’t able or willing to be accountable or responsible for their actions.

And as you process that grief, it’s ok to start letting go of that expectation and focus on what you need for yourself. That’s not being selfish - that’s coming back to you.💛

If this resonates, know I’ve been where you are and see you. It sucks. Know that slowly and over time as you heal, you’ll realize that as you let go, loving and having compassion for yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. You matter and you deserve to have healthy relationships. Keep healing and keep going. You matter.💛

Grief and healing take time

Processing grief and healing while finding connection, safety and joy doesn’t have to be a one or the other thing. You don’t have to deny yourself joy or connection. You can take slow, small steps putting yourself out there.

In my own grief and healing process, I’ve experienced wanting to heal on my own at times, and other times experienced wanting to deeply connect. I’ve learned to try to listen to what my body needs to nurture and provide safety while also taking small steps forward. As part of my healing process I’ve learned it’s ok to create a life that I want for myself, even as -and honestly because - I’m healing and grieving. Everything can co-exist.

You get to honor yourself and your needs, too. Continue to take those small steps. And honor your process. Keep healing and growing. You’ve got this. 💛✨

Glimmers are everywhere

Yesterday I had a day where everything seemed to click. It was moment after moment of just really nice everyday life events. And I realized that I was in the glimmer zone.

Being in the glimmer zone can be a challenge for me sometimes because of past traumas. And I notice as I process, heal and begin to feel safe, glimmers become easier to see.

Glimmers are everywhere, but we are naturally predisposed to look for danger before joy. So it can take practice to actively notice the cool, small, fun and joyful things around us.

Give yourself permission to notice glimmers today. And if you do, how does noticing the glimmers affect your day?

We all have glimmers around us. It’s ok to take a moment to notice and enjoy them. ✨

Thoughts on a wintry day

Yesterday I went on a long, wintry walk. The air was brisk and the clouds switched between light and dark, changing the shadows and variations of grays and whites on the snow like a mirror. It was peaceful and beautiful in its starkness.

It reminded me that there can be beauty in the shadows and the wintry, colder times of our lives, as well as in the warm, green days. We need both sun and shadow, cold and warmth, light and darkness to see and appreciate the full spectrum of our lives. We need rest, solitude and hibernation as much as we need movement, community and activity. Happiness and grief. Growth and peace. In these cycles and side-by-sides we live our lives in the noticing.

What do you notice today? Where do you find beauty in winter and other seasons? How does that relate to your life? Do you notice cycles or parts of your life that seem to carry or hold polarities?

Your inner light

Your inner light is always there. ✨ Sometimes it’s clouded over from long-held stories. And clouds can clear. And your light is still there.✨

I help clients differentiate between the stories and the bright light of who they truly are and support them as they make transformational shifts toward what they want most in life. Interested in your own transformation? Reach out for a coaching session. Reclaim your light ✨

Some thoughts on perfectionism

When we’re trying to make something perfect, it’s usually because we’re looking for external validation, to be accepted or not get into trouble. We’ve been taught that if we make things perfect we will be safe. These are patterns we’ve been taught in the past from various types of non-equal relationships.

The thing is, perfectionism doesn’t exist and so we will always be be trying for something we can never achieve. It’s EXHAUSTING. And many times, we’ve had this pattern for so long, we don’t realize that we’re not trying to achieve perfection for ourselves - we’re doing it for others. Guess what? You can choose not to do that anymore. You can choose to do what is enough for you.

Ask yourself:
- Who am I trying to make this perfect for?
- What will happen if it’s not perfect?
- What age to I feel as I’m trying to make this perfect?
- What would I tell a friend who was feeling something needs to be perfect? Can you offer that same support to myself?
- What do I need for myself right now? How can I provide myself what I need?

The above questions will give you insight to where your thoughts are coming from and how you can best support yourself.

Un-attaching yourself from perfectionism is a process. It takes time and lots of self-compassion. And…er…it’s not perfect. Eek! Small steps are the way forward. And it can be a gentle road to learning to love and accept yourself - how cool is that?

Are you looking for someone to support you as you learn to break free from perfectionism and move toward the things you truly want in life? Let’s work together. I see you and can give you compassionate support as you move forward. You can do this!✨

Set it down

What’s on small thing you can set or put down today. What can you set down that brings feelings of relief or expansion?

You don’t have to carry it all. It’s ok to set things down.💛

Are you looking for support as you learn to set things down and take care of you? Reach out - I offer compassionate coaching to help you move forward. You got this. ✨

One of the bravest things you can do is be kind to yourself

It can be easy to put yourself down, especially when you make mistakes. Especially when you’ve hurt someone unintentionally. Especially when you aren’t where you want to be in parts of your life.

It can be brave to show yourself kindness, self-compassion and love. To hold, accept and love yourself as the imperfect human you are. It’s brave because it can be really hard to break patterns of self-talk and conditioning - and because it can be hard to be vulnerable, especially with yourself.

Being kind and self-compassionate toward yourself doesn’t mean you don’t practice accountability. It means you can accept and be kind to the parts of you who make mistakes and aren’t perfect. That’s so beautiful and brave.

Being kind to yourself is a practice. Build awareness and take small, gentle steps forward. There is bravery there. 💛✨

Sometimes we need a guide to help build our brave and kind muscles. If this is you, reach out for coaching sessions. I offer compassionate coaching and a hand on your back as you move forward.

It’s not your responsibility to fix..

It’s not your responsibility to fix your partner, friend or family member. It’s your responsibility to show up authentically, set boundaries that honor your needs, and decide if you are willing to meet them where they are.

And….this is SO much easier said than done, right? Especially if you’ve got people pleasing, perfectionist and fixing tendencies. (I see you 👋 💛)

And here’s the thing: the more you focus on being yourself and learning and letting people know what works and doesn’t work for you, the more you’ll be able to meet people where they are. And then you get to choose what you’re willing to do if they’re aren’t willing to do the same.

Is it easy to do? No. Does it take time? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. Will you have more satisfying relationships if you do? Yes.

It takes time, practice and self-compassion to work on and reframe relationships with yourself and others. The bottom line is the only one who gets to decide what we need or want is you. And the more we can be our most authentic, self-compassionate selves, the more we understand that others get to choose that too - or not. It’s not up to us.

Take good care of yourself - you’ve got this!✨

Looking for support as you build your taking care of you muscles? Schedule a coaching session. I’m here for you ✨💛✨

Grief has no timeline

Whether it’s one year or twenty years, certain anniversaries or life events can bring up feelings of grief. It’s ok when this happens. There are no rules when grief should end. Continue to give yourself the compassion, love and support you need.

Sometimes feelings of grief can come up when you least expect them. Even if it’s been a long time.

There is no timeline with grief. Keep processing, keep showing yourself compassion, understanding and love, and know you’re not alone.💛

Need support as you move through grief? I offer coaching, groups and online courses. I will gently support you while you process and grow.💛

Some thoughts….

Just because you can tolerate it doesn’t mean you have to. It’s ok to say no.

Just because you can handle it doesn’t mean you have to. It’s ok to ask for help.

Just because you said yes doesn’t mean you have to. It’s ok to change your mind.

Things to do besides meditate

For some of us who find sitting and meditating difficult, there are ways to be mindful that also involve some movement.The activities below give you the choice to be present without the pressure to do or be that you can sometimes feel in meditation:

- Walking and observing what you see in front of and around you

- Coloring

- Doing simple, repetitive housework like the dishes, ironing or vacuuming

- Gardening

- Picking up an small item and observing and feeling as much as you can about it

- Taking a moment to stretch and observe what feels good and what doesn’t

- Eating a meal without your phone and computer and observing what’s going on with all your senses

These are just a small list of activities. What they all involve is being present and mindful of what’s in front of you. It’s ok if you mind wanders. It’s ok if it doesn’t take a long time. All of it is up to you.

What are your mindful movement activities? Comment below ✨

I have coaching session available! Reach out to schedule some time and support for you!✨

You get to take up space in this world

If you’ve been in life circumstances where being small and not taking up space kept you safe, then it makes total sense why it can feel scary to put yourself out there and be seen. Taking small, gentle, self-compassionate steps forward can help you move forward towards feeling safer and finding your voice.

Do you want to make those steps forward but feel stuck or don’t know how to start? Reach out and schedule sessions. I’d love to help you walk toward creating that space for yourself. 💛✨

Somatic Experiencing

Today I finished my 4-day Beginner 1 Module 1 Somatic Experiencing training. I learned tons, met amazing practitioners, connected with old and new friends. I’m so excited to start bringing this amazing healing modality into my coaching practice. It’s going to help my clients move forward in wonderful ways. I love adding tools to my and my clients’ coaching toolboxes! And can’t wait to continue my training in April ✨

Intrigued? Sign up for a coaching session with me. I’d love to support you as you move forward! ✨

It’s ok to..

• Vocalize your needs and wants

• Feel worthy for being you

• Grieve whatever you want for as long as it takes

• Say no

• Choose who you spend time with

• Rest

• Play

• Make yourself a priority

You are worthy of taking care of your wants and needs. What do you want to do for yourself today?

I celebrate my clients for

• Switching jobs to ones that align more with who they are

• Increasing intimacy and communication with their partners

• Creating space and breaking away from narcissistic leaning relationships and recognizing red flags

• Dating again after grieving past relationships

• Embracing their creative voices

• Advocating for themselves and their needs with family, friends and work situations

• Playing, leveling up, and finding joy in their daily lives

I’m in awe of my amazing clients. They walked toward what they want and value in life in 2022. 💛 It’s such an honor to walk with them as their life coach. I can’t wait to see what 2023 brings. ✨✨

Are you looking for a guide to walk with you toward what you want this upcoming year? I’d love to be your life coach. Schedule a session today.

Resolutions vs. intentions

Resolutions tend to be based on metrics, comparison and big leaps, all of which can set us up for feelings of failure and shame. Even the name - “resolution” - has “resolute” in it, which sounds like “should” and “have to talk”. There’s no room for self-compassion or flexibility. It feels restrictive. Resolutions are centered around “fixing” parts of you. But guess what - you’re not broken to begin with, so by setting a resolution, you’re starting your year off already thinking negatively about yourself. Eek!

Intentions are different from resolutions in that they open space for self-compassion and flexibility. Intentions feel expansive. Intentions center on creating abundance for yourself, not restriction. For instance, one of my intentions for 2023 is to make authentic connections with people. Notice I don’t have a specific number or time frame in mind. I’m not coming from a place of lack. I simply want to take small steps toward connecting with others authentically. It feels good to my system and it feels promising, kind and doable.

Here are some other examples of intentions:

• I intend to be more present in conversations

• I intend to travel to places I love and want to visit

• I intend to honor and appreciate my body

• I intend to listen to my intuition

• I intend to work toward a promotion 

• I intend to focus on activities that I enjoy

How do the above land with you? If you were to set a New Year’s intention, what would it be?

Reach out and schedule a coaching session if you would like support on setting intentions for 2023. I’d love to help!