You’re going to feel both joy and grief as you create the life you want for yourself

It’s totally normal to want to feel just the happy feels when you want to make changes in your life.

The reality is that moving forward without acknowledging and grieving what you’re leaving behind will ultimately slow down getting to where you want to be.

It’s not fun to grieve, but grieving is what helps you move forward. Accepting the discomfort of grief that rides with the joy of change is freeing. You got this.

Plot twist: The one thing holding you back is the fear of actually gettin what you want

Eek. I’m just going to set this right here….

Does this resonate? There can be a lot to unpack here, especially if you’ve carried beliefs of not being good enough. Or the belief that if you start living the life you truly want you have to actually start putting yourself out there and start living. And that can feel scary AF. It can be so much easier to dream than to do, especially when you don’t feel worthy.

A first step is to realize you may be carrying a belief or fear that you don’t deserve to live the life you truly want. It’s a small but mighty step. After that, it’s taking more small steps toward self-compassion, healing the younger parts of you who were taught to believe the lie of unworthiness, and doing teeny tiny actions to show that your dreams are not only safe, but within reach.

It’s ok and makes sense if you realize these are beliefs you’re carrying. There is no shame or judgment here. Take the time you need to process and break it all down.

I see you, have been there and can help. Reach out if you want support. You are worthy and deserve magic. ✨💛

Parents: You don’t have to do it all

September is the beginning of the big ride of the school year if you’re a parent. And honestly, there’s so much pressure to commit to so much: be a room parent; volunteer; provide treats for bake sale; go to open house; set up conferences; help with team uniforms; attend PTA meetings, etc. I’m stressed out just reading that list and my kids are grown! 🥵 (and I’ve been there)

Its so hard to say no. AND the best thing for yourself and your family is to not say yes to everything and everyone. It’s ok to pick 1-2 things max that feel important and say no to the rest. The other things will sort themselves without you, I promise.💛

When you say no to all the things that don’t align with you and yes to the things that do, you are helping yourself, your family and the school by being able to be present and non-resentful in what you say yes to. And you get to model boundaries 101 for your kiddos.

You are NOT a bad parent for saying no to all the things. You are an amazing human for saying yes to what works for you. You got this!! 💛

The growth process sucks

Who can relate. 🙋‍♀️

Growth can feel so hard. It can take a lot of work and feel crunchy and honestly can be not very fun at all.

And then you get through it and you’re amazed and proud of how far you’ve come. 💛👏🎉

I have the honor of guiding clients through the crunchy growth process. I have their back and make sure they gently and safely get to the “hell, yes - I made it!” side. Yeah, there’s the not so fun parts, and there’s also laughter, compassion and steadfast belief and support in you and yourself as I’ve got your back.

Sign up for a free 30-minute getting to know us session and learn how we can work together.

Your adventure begins today.Where do you want to go?

What if your adventure begins each day? Where do you want to go?

What does your daily adventure look like? What do you want to add or take away?

How do those thoughts and questions change your perspective?

We can get stuck, thinking our lives are ordinary, when really we are all living our own personal adventures, filled with so much complexity. When we notice that, it can open up space for our own personal agency and choice. It can bring in play, magic and fun. It can show us that we can move forward in a way that works for us.

Try asking yourself for a week: “What’s my life adventure going to be today?” and see if you notice a shift.

Let the adventure begin. ✨

Comparison is perfectionism’s sneaky partner

When we start comparing ourselves with others, we can start getting into that self-critical, perfectionist mode, assuming that what other people are doing is better. The “not-good-enough” part of us loves to come out when this happens and we find ourselves trying to achieve the impossible and wearing ourselves out. Yikes!

Try to focus on what you’re currently doing and what works for you, and your life, without trying to compare with others. Deep down we all know what works for us and we get befuddled when we start doubting that. No shame - it’s totally normal. And living in the present, having self-compassion, understanding and empathy for the parts that like to compare, while supporting what truly works for us, is the slow road to breaking free from perfectionism. You can choose what works for you!

What’s one thing you do really well that you want to celebrate today? What’s one choice you can make just for you today?

Good news / bad news

The good news: life is constantly evolving and there are no guarantees.

The bad news: life is constantly evolving and there are no guarantees.

It’s all about perspective. 😉

Milestones can be celebratory with a little grief mixed in.

Milestones like big birthdays, anniversaries, starting a new dream job, or going off to college can bring feelings of joy and accomplishment. And, as we look back, it can potentially bring feelings of sadness and nostalgia for what was. It makes sense to feel both sides at the same time.

My kids are experiencing big milestones this year in birthdays and going off to college. It’s exciting and I’m so proud and happy for them and all they have in front of them. I celebrate them!! And there are also parts of me that miss their sweet toddler faces, the ordinary days as they grew up, the walks home from school when the weather was nice. Rituals and life are now changing with these milestones. It’s bittersweet and it makes sense. Even though I grieve a bit, I also celebrate those sweet, beautiful times. I celebrate what lies ahead. Most of all, I celebrate where we are now.

When celebrating milestones, give yourself permission to see and accept all sides of where you’ve been, where you are and where you’re going. All of it is part of life’s celebration, growth and healing 💛

One thing that can keep you stuck

The underlying fear of actually getting what you want. Oof! No shame if this resonates - you make sense!

Sometimes what keeps us stuck is the fear of actually getting what we want. Deep down there can be a story that we’re not worthy or not allowed to have what we desire.

Be curious where that story actually comes from - because it doesn’t come from you. Somewhere along the way you’ve been taught that message. Taking small steps, cultivating self-compassion and healing the parts of you who believe that story to be true can all help build your “I got this”
muscle to help you move forward.

I have a coaching package that helps you take small, healing, self-compassionate steps toward where you want to be. Sign up for a getting to know us conversation. The link is in my bio✨

Change and transformation, whether it’s good or bad, usually includes some grief

Even though we may be transforming or changing who, what or where we are and it feels AMAZING, there can be parts of us who are sad for what we're leaving behind. There still can be grief even if what we're leaving behind is feels right. That's totally normal and ok. Try to make space for processing the grief. It will make what you're walking towards even sweeter.

Your worth is not based on what you do, produce or achieve

Most of us live in a culture or society where what we do, achieve or produce is more important than who we are as humans. We reach and strive for success based on a definition set by loved ones, family, schools or work. And many of us don’t check in with ourselves to see if that’s the type of success we actually want. Because when we get praise / reward for doing a good job versus being a good person / following our desires, the former becomes our measure of success - even if it’s not ours. I’m not saying that winning a race, making lots of money or achieving a certain type of success is not ok. All of those things can be amazing. I’m saying that our motivation for wanting those things is often based on what others want from us, not what we want for ourselves. And thinking about what we really want for ourselves can be scary when we’re not used to taking a step back and having curiosity for what that is and can be. Or scary if we know it’s different than what it’s “supposed” to be. Or scary if we feel we’ll lose that external praise from others that we’re used to.

What if your worth was based simply on being a damn fine human who has feelings and struggles, joys and setbacks? That you are YOU and that’s enough. That’s the prize. How does that feel in your body when you you think about it that way? Is it freeing? Is it scary? Be curious and if you can, appreciate the awesome human you ARE right now. That’s worth a lot.✨🎉

What are your thoughts? Comment below. ✨
If you want to explore this more deeply for yourself, set up a coaching session with me. I’m here for you. 💛

Glimmers create small shifts and a way forward

Lately I’ve been talking with a lot of my clients about glimmers. Glimmers are little shiny moments that can appear in our day-to-day life that spark small moments of joy or peace. They are the opposite of triggers and, if you look around, you may find that they are everywhere!

Glimmers don’t bypass what you are going through - and they can be small reminders and create small shifts that there is hope and a way forward. They are like mini meditations.

This weekend I was processing some grief and feeling crunchy. I decided to go for a walk with one of my dogs and be intentional about looking for glimmers. It turned out to be really fun - I saw bunnies, big balls of twig twine, smiles from fellow walkers, and smelled the summer grass. Finding those glimmers shifted my crunch. It didn’t bypass my grief, but it allowed space for other things, too.

What glimmers can you find today?✨

I have 1:1 coaching opportunities available - DM me for more info or sign up for a free 30 minute “getting to know us session” in my bio link. Let’s find glimmers together!✨✨

The intention of setting boundaries isn’t to hurt the people we care about

When we set boundaries we do so out of love for ourselves and others. It’s not to put up a wall, but create space for safer and healthier interaction. And we do this for ourselves because we know - or are learning - what works for us to maintain a safe, healthy relationship with someone. It’s because we care, not because we don’t.

It can be challenging and you oftentimes will get pushback (I was once told after setting a boundary that I had had too much therapy 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️). Pushback feels uncomfortable and is crunchy and is a sign a boundary was important to set.

Keep going. You are growing, stretching and letting your inner children know you matter - because you do! ✨

Your journey is your own

Comparing your journey with someone else’s can keep you stuck and hidden from your truths and your own wants and needs.

Your journey is your own. Your journey matters and can’t be compared because there is only one you. Embrace YOU! Your journey and yourself are worth it!

Small moments of grief can come when you least expect them

Sometimes we try and push down grief we think we shouldn’t feel anymore, forgetting there is no timeline on grief. The more we can be honest and authentic with our feelings and let ourselves process grief without shame or rules, the more we can heal and move forward.

If you are surprised by feelings of grief that come up, see if you can be compassionate as you let it run through you and process it. Notice how it feels in your body after. There is no shame for how you’re feeling. It’s part of being human 💛

Choosing yourself vs. conditioning

I recently unfriended someone on social media I’ve known for more than 30 years. This decision didn’t come easily, and I’d been struggling with doing it for probably over a year. I felt uncomfortable reading this person’s posts. This person also sent me inappropriate and cringy direct messages that crossed some yucky boundaries, and it took me two years to put my foot down and say stop. And I still stayed online friends with this person.

 These were the stories I told myself that kept me from unfriending:

• You have a long history together

• We don’t live near each other, so what’s the issue

• This person is struggling with health issues, and it would be hurtful to unfriend

• Unfriending someone isn’t nice

• What would this person say about you when they found out

• What would other people say

• It’s not that big of a deal

When I wrote down and read this list, I realized that NONE of those stories took my internal wants and needs into consideration. And that there was A LOT of self-gaslighting going on. I was stuck in people-pleasing mode and more worried about the person’s reaction and the world at-large’s and not even thinking about how unsafe and not ok I felt. And how I was repeating old relationship patterns with this person. And how this situation permeated how I felt about social media in general.

We are often taught and conditioned to “be nice.” To not upset someone else and to keep the peace, even if it’s at our expense. Because of this, many times we learn at an early age to give up our true needs and wants.  To accept bad behavior even if it crosses a line. And it costs us the ability to feel safe saying no, to feel comfortable with the definition of consent, and truly knowing ourselves and what we actually want for ourselves. That’s not ok. For those of us who have learned this way of conditioning, it takes time and can be so important to unlearn.

I took the scary leap and pressed unfriend. The moment I did it, it felt like a weight was lifted. My inner child parts were doing happy dances knowing that I took care of them. I’m healing a part of me that believed it was important to keep an unsafe relationship going just because it had existed. It was hard internal work, and the reward was lightness, a huge sigh of relief and recalibration.

If you are struggling with something similar.  I see you.  You’ve got this. It’s a process. Take the time you need and do what works best for you and your system. 

If you are interested in coaching, go to the link in my bio.  I get it and I have your back.

You are not lazy for resting and playing

It can be hard to rest and play when you are stressed or have a lot of things going on. And ironically, those are the times when rest and play are probably most needed. At least that’s what I find for myself. If you can take small moments to rest, or give yourself a five-minute play break, you may notice that it makes a difference. See if you can take small steps and see what happens.

Truth: You don’t have to compromise yourself to be loved and accepted

Many of us believe that by not saying what we need, or morphing into someone we’re not, it will cause people to love and accept us. So we don’t speak up, deny our needs and then wonder why 1) we feel so miserable 2) we still aren’t getting the love we and acceptance we crave.

Ugh. Feeling like that totally sucks. I’ve been down that road and honestly still struggle with it. For me, it’s been a process of breaking down years of conditioning and long-term trauma. And what I’ve learned - and am still learning - is that the more I love and accept myself for who I am, the more secure I feel in not compromising my needs. The less I chase outwardly for approval because I love and accept who I am. The turbulence of searching outward is tempered with the peace I feel within.

And all of this takes a hot while! It’s a process. If you are just starting down this road, be patient with yourself and take small steps toward self-compassion. Small, loving steps toward yourself, your needs and your healing. You deserve love and acceptance from others, but most importantly from yourself.

You are constantly evolving even when you feel stuck

Even when we feel stuck, we’re still evolving and growing. We may not see it - and it’s happening.

Honestly, this feeling happens to me quite a bit. I feel stuck and can also feel momentum. What that usually tells me is that I need rest and to make space for gentle self-reflection. I try to honor and listen to what I need. What do you need when you are at this place?

It can feel frustrating to feel stuck. Be gentle with yourself and honor the process. It’s all part of your evolution.

True happiness is an inside job

Looking to others or things to make us happy is an easy way to bypass looking at ourselves and our own true needs and wants. The more we can tap into ourselves, our likes, needs and what truly makes us happy, the more we can connect authentically, not only with ourselves, but with other. It’s that honest, authentic connection to ourselves that’s key. It’s a process and you’re worth it.

What brings you joy? What do you like most about yourself? What do you enjoy doing when you aren’t feeling pressure or stress? That’s where you will find some answers.