It’s ok to want connection and fear connection at the same time.

Many of us trauma survivors want connection and at the same time fear connection. If this is you, know that you are not “broken.” You make complete sense, especially as we heal. Be curious about the parts of you who want to keep you safe. What do they need from you? Hold compassion for all of your feelings and your parts. You’re learning about yourself and what you really need, which is amazing!

There is nothing “wrong” with you. There is no shame or timeline for going at your own healing pace. Take your time and slowly learn what works for you.

Grief is not a competition

There is now measurement, comparison or timeline for grief. You get to choose how you process grief. No one else gets to decide that for you. Be kind to yourself and heal at your own pace you make sense!!

There are things I have been grieving for years and others that passed quickly. Neither is “wrong.” When we start believing there are limits to our grieving, it turns into shame and self-doubt. Lean into yourself and the feelings in your body. You know what is right for you.

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish

Here’s the irony of neglecting our needs so we can take care of others: we end up ultimately exhausting ourselves, which takes away our ability to care for others.

When we find and nourish what we need and then take care of others, our capacity to be available can actually grow.

Initially it may take some time getting to that point, especially if you have been people pleasing most of your life. It may initially feel really uncomfortable to do. That makes sense. Be as compassionate as you are to others as you take small steps toward yourself. Taking care of your needs is a gift to you and to the people you care about and for.

What’s one small thing you can do for yourself today?

Find Magic in the Everyday

I was on a walk yesterday when I came across a stuffed animal unicorn who was patiently waiting for its owner to return.
It’s not often you see unicorns wandering around in real life and it got me thinking about magic and where we find it.
We find it in the everyday. On walks. In conversations with friends. At work or at home. In nature. There are little sparks of magic everywhere.

It’s all about our awareness.

Magic is different for everyone. For me, magic shows up to remind me there is lightness in the world.
What’s magic to you? Where do find your magic? What do you see in its meaning?
I help people find their magic and have coaching sessions available.

Feeling stuck can come from unprocessed grief

The other day I had a creative block. My mind simply decided it wanted to be blank. I felt really stuck and frustrated. After a while I gave myself some space to become curious - not about my feelings of frustration, but about the block itself. What was it trying to tell me?

What I found out was that this block was a part of me who was grieving a situation that didn’t go as I had hoped. And because I hadn’t acknowledged how much that situation had impacted me, I couldn’t move forward on some creative things I wanted to do.

Once I realized that was what was going on, I let myself feel and process my grief and frustration. I immediately felt lighter after and amazingly the block was lifted.

In order to move forward from our stuck spaces we have to listen to the parts of us who need to grieve. It’s not super fun - and it’s what opens us up to our next possibilities.

I have availability in my coaching schedule if you want support as you get unstuck. I’m here for you.

Do one small thing every day that brings you joy

I know that can seem easier said than done, especially if you are grieving or going through a hard time. And it doesn’t have to be anything big. It can simply be stepping outside and feeling the sun on your face or petting your dog.

Sometimes we believe joy has to be an enormous feeling or emotion. It can be that - and it can also be what we experience in the brief moment when we are fully present doing something we enjoy.

Incorporating moments of joy in your life is not a race to perfect happiness, forced positivity or something to achieve. There is no outcome here other than a curiosity to notice what it is you truly love and is part of the path toward your true self.

Safe connections can open up your possibilities

When you connect with someone, a group or yourself in a way where there is safety, you can open the door to healing inner child wounds and slowly create space let your true self emerge.

When you feel safe, there is no desire to people please. There is acceptance and non-judgement. And that opens up the ability for creativity, ideas, and the chance to be your true self.

Are there people, groups or situations where you feel safer or more able to express your true self than others? What are they? What is it about those situations that feel safe? That can be your guide. Be patient and know that safe connection with yourself and others takes time.

Grief comes in many shapes and sizes and all are valid

Sometimes we deny or gaslight our own grief with statements like “other people have it worse than I do,” or “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” When we do that we invalidate our feelings and what is true to us. This can keep us stuck because it doesn’t allow ourselves to process what we are feeling.

Grief is not a competition. There is no measurement, comparison or timeline for grief. You can grieve the death of a loved one, grieve a child leaving for college, or grieve that they don’t make a sandwich at your favorite deli anymore. All are very different and all are valid. Endings and changes can be difficult regardless of what they are. Your connection to whatever you are grieving matters.

The most important thing is to give yourself permission to process your grief. Give yourself space and time to process. The more you can allow yourself to feel the authenticity of what you are feeling and going through, without comparing it to other situations and people, the more space you will have to heal. What you grieve about, how and how long you grieve is completely up to you.

Take care of yourself. You deserve it. All your feelings are valid.

Your truth shows itself when you sit quietly and allow the noise to fade

Easier said than done! The truth can be a difficult thing to face. And there are parts of us who love us so much they protect us from the truth because they don’t want us to feel hurt or pain as we make our way to our truth or our true selves. So they keep the noise going with thoughts or keep us busy. Finding compassion for those amazing parts of us can help open the door to move a little bit forward.

Don’t be hard on yourself if you are at that place. Sitting quietly and being able to listen to your heart and your true self takes practice, patience and time. Having compassion for your protective parts also takes practice, patience and time.

And the truth is there and waiting for you when your self is ready. ❤️

Self-care for parents of kids heading to college

If you’re sending your child off to college for the first time this fall and are struggling with the transition, this small group coaching opportunity limited to 10 participants is for you.

During this series, you will:
- connect with a supportive, encouraging group of parents who are going through a similar experience
- learn to approach this exciting and emotional time with confidence - for yourself and your new college student
- formulate a communication plan with your child and establish healthy expectations for everyone
- learn to create boundaries that benefit both you and your college student
- receive tools and guidance on how to nurture yourself and support your own needs
- navigate your child’s first holiday season back with ease
- have a plan to begin a fun, new, exciting phase of your life (you get a new adventure too!)

Click here for more info: https://www.openspacescoaching.com/upcoming-events

Setting boundaries can seem scary - and you’re worth it

The anticipation of setting boundaries can sometimes feel scary. When we’re not used to doing it, or are out of practice, it can create a lot of worry or scenarios in our heads of how it will go. Those are our protective parts trying to keep us from getting hurt and it’s can be important to acknowledge that worry and those parts with compassion - and still set the boundary.

And, when you set a boundary with self intention, aligned with your integrity, the magic happens. You get the reward of feeling really good for taking care of yourself and your needs. You may even feel peaceful, knowing you did something that was right for you.

It’s totally ok and normal to feel nervous about setting boundaries. Listen to the parts that are worried and see if you can have compassion for them. Setting boundaries takes time and practice- and it can ebb and flow as you are learning to do it. That’s all ok. And when you set a boundary, celebrate the heck out of it - it’s hard work and you’re doing it!

Are you a time traveler?

A lot of times when we don’t feel safe in the present or safe in our bodies we find it safer to take our thoughts to the past and future. There is an element of safety because our minds protect us by letting us believe we have an element of control over what happened or what will happen.

For many of us, living in the present can be a challenge because we are faced with looking at exactly where we are and our true feelings and emotions, which may be tough. And by living in anywhere else but the present we don’t have to face those feelings. The truth is, facing those feelings helps us heal and move forward.

Taking small, gentle, nurturing steps to accustom yourself to the present can help. It’s a practice that takes time, patience and self-compassion. And it’s possible

Reach out for coaching sessions if you want a guide as you travel back to the present and your true self.

Taking the stigma out of your truth and reality - and learning to expand because of it

As the world is kind of opening up and we're starting to see each other more in person, I began to realize that friends I don't see often didn’t know I got divorced. Some had an inkling because I’d been posting photos that didn’t include my ex. It's weird - you don't really make a huge announcement about divorce like you do about getting married, moving, or any other larger life events because divorce typically involves some additional sadness and questions that can be sometimes difficult to ask and answer. It's not like you're trying to hide it, but there seems to be a weird cultural thing about not talking about divorce, which seems strange, because it happens to 50% + of marriages. It's a relatively normal thing that sometimes seems to be talked about in hushed corners.

So, I'm posting this to take a bit of the stigma out of it. Yeah, it sucks and it's sad in many ways, and it also doesn't suck in other ways. It's not anything I would have expected to happen and it's ok, if not really good, that it happened.

The divorce has allowed me to build and expand my coaching business, focusing on coaching people through big changes similar to what I've experienced - divorce, empty nesting, moving, figuring out next steps in life. I'm really enjoying it and it feels good to help others.

Life can be weird, changeable and unexpected. And we all have those times in our life where it's hard, as well as times when it's easy. What I'm learning now more than ever is that it's ok to be authentic without feeling shame about living life's ups and downs.

Reach out if you need extra support right now. I’m here as a coach to help.

“Play is the thing”- Shakespeare (kind of)

I'm kind of quoting/paraphrasing Mr. Shakespeare here. If he had just left out the beginning "the" when he wrote this way back when, he could have an amazing life coach or therapist. Who knows where his career would have gone! 😉

To paraphrase and build on what Bill S. said:

"Play is the thing....."
- that inspires creativity
- that allows problem solving
- that allows room for choice
- that keeps us healthy
- that is restorative
- that can allow healthy collaboration

The list can go on and on. As humans we need and crave play to recalibrate and restore. And somewhere along the line we are taught/conditioned that play is a waste of time. And it's 100%, absolutely, without a doubt NOT true. Let's break that conditioning and mindset together.

What's one small thing you can today that is purposeless and restorative that you can do today for yourself? And if you do it, how does it feel in your body after you do it?

Questions or want to chat more ? Reach out, comment below or set up some coaching sessions with me to work on integrating play in your life.

Lean into the discomfort of feeling restless

Feeling restless or untethered can feel really uncomfortable. Many times it can be a signal that something is ready to change - it can mean that where you are right now in your life isn’t fitting - kind of like wearing and itchy sweater or sitting in a uncomfortable chair. You wiggle around and try and get comfortable where you are, but your body is telling you it’s not happening. When that happens we can choose to ignore the discomfort, get rid of the discomfort or be curious about the discomfort. All three or valid, and one can give us a lot of information to help us.

Many times we want push the uncomfortable feelings aside without really feeling them for the very fact that they are uncomfortable. However, feeling through the discomfort can actually help us find our truth.

When you are feeling restless or untethered, see if you can lean into and have curiosity about those uncomfortable feelings. What is it that you are feeling untethered about? What is an area in your life you are feeling dissatisfaction? Is that tied to your feeling of restlessness? Write it down or talk to someone about it. See what comes up and feel the yucky feelings. The more open can be about what you are feeling and the more you can process the feelings associated with the restlessness, the closer your’ll get to your truth.

If you are feeling restless and want to process why, reach out via DM or my website schedule coaching sessions or packages.

Letting go doesn’t mean you invalidate what you’ve been through

I used to believe that letting go meant erasing memories and feelings and forgetting the past, kind of like what happens in the Men in Back movies. You wave a wand and all you’ve experienced disappears from your memory and it’s gone.

Our brains don’t work that way, and our good and not-so-good experiences matter and are a part of who we are. What we experienced is all valid. As much as we may want to, we can’t magically have experiences or people disappear from our minds because they will come back in other ways - in our bodies, in how we interact with others and ourselves. However, we can find a safe way to honor what happened to us with compassion so that it has a place to rest.

We can give ourselves permission to release the heaviness of what we are carrying. Oftentimes there is an underlying fear or belief that if we stop thinking about something or someone it will invalidate what happened. It will invalidate our truth. And we end up carrying pain or memories in the front of our minds that don’t serve us because we want to feel like what happened mattered. We want to feel seen when we potentially didn’t feel seen when we were experiencing the event. And those parts of us don’t want to let go until they feel seen and heard and validated.

That’s what releasing the weight is about. See if you can talk to the part of you who doesn’t want to release the weight of the experience. What do they want more than anything? Can you help them find a safe place to feel, seen, heard and validated so they can put down the weight? If they don’t put it down, what are they protecting you from?

These are all really deep questions that take time and release some big feelings, especially if you have been carrying something for a long time or it’s a very hurtful experience. We can still have the memory without having to carry the weight that comes with it. Give yourself the permission of time to process and grieve. And remind yourself and your parts that everything you are experiencing is valid and makes sense.

Trust the small voice in your head that says you are worthy

We get so many messages from external sources about who and what we should be. Many times, and especially if we have people pleasing tendencies, we listen and believe what we hear, without checking in with ourselves to see if it’s true. And often the house external sources can overtake our own true beliefs about ourselves.

There is no shame in this. Our conditioning to please can run deep and for many of us and it becomes part of our survival mode. Be curious and have compassion and gratitude for the parts of you who love you so much to protect you.

At the same time, take small moments to listen to that small voice that tells you you are worthy. That is your true self speaking the truth to you. It’s ok if you can only take a moment to hear that voice. Simply recognizing it is there is enough. Eventually, if you continue to take small moments to recognize that voice, it will want to show itself more to you and you will slowly begin to see the truth in what it is saying: You are worthy.

If you are wanting to build a deeper relationship with your true self, I have coaching sessions and packages available.

Where are you blooming?

This time of year where I live the tulips are in full bloom. The buds are starting to emerge on the trees. Some will flower and some will leaf into vibrant greens. There is beautiful color all around - even the sunlight is different this time of year.

It’s a symbolic time for new beginnings. New growth. New ideas. New life.

What is your new beginning this season? Where do you see yourself blooming? Where do you see areas of growth? Where do you want to thrive?

If you’d like guidance answering these questions, I have coaching packages and sessions available and would love to help you bloom and thrive.

Your inner critic isn’t your enemy

Our inner critics are actually pretty amazing. They are there to protect us and most of the time they are misguided, or are basing their critiques on past experiences or voices that don’t apply to where we are now. Knowing that information and having compassion for our inner critics can help shift our self talk. So can letting our inner critic know we see them and that we are willing to befriend them.

The next time your inner critic comes out, see if you can tell how old they are or who it is. See if you can acknowledge it and have a conversation. See if you can say, “Thank you for protecting me amazing inner critic! I appreciate all you’ve done for me. This time I’m going to try something different. I’d like you to step back this time. You don’t have go away and you can come back - and I want to try something new.” Most of the time your inner critic simply wants to be seen and appreciated. If you let it know that you are not banishing it, but simply asking it to step aside for this task, it allows it (and you) to relax because it knows it’s not going to be banished. It may seem weird or goofy at first, but if you try it, see if anything shifts, even just a little bit. If something shifts, try it again another time.

Reach out if you’d like more tips and tools on working with your inner critic. I have packages and individual sessions available.

When you show up as your authentic self, the magic begins

It can be really hard and even scary to show up as your authentic self. Many of us have been conditioned to believe we need to be what others want us to be, and there can be the belief that we will be rejected or abandoned if we show who we “really are.” The ironic thing is, being what we think others want takes much more energy and work than being our true selves. And we wonder why we’re so exhausted all the time.

Many times we don’t even know how to start moving toward the direction of our authentic selves. The key is to go very slowly. Start noticing what you like and don’t like. Say it out loud or quietly to yourself. When you do that, see how it feels in your body - does it feel expansive, warm, scary in a good way? If yes, try and think of other times in your life you felt like that. Look for that feeling in your daily life and make note of it.

That’s when the magic begins - being able to vocalize your likes and dislikes and noticing the feelings, even if only to yourself, opens up the door for your authentic self to feel safe to emerge. This is a practice and can take time. Doing this is one small step to get there. Be kind and patient with yourself. And be in awe when those magical expansive moments appear. We all have the magic authenticity within us.

If you would like help working on bringing forward your authentic self, I’d love to help. Please go to the link in my bio and schedule coaching sessions. I offer coaching packages as well as individual sessions.